Thursday, May 21, 2009

I tried to like Twilight but i gave up



Once upon a time girl met boy and girl fell in love Boy was dangerous. He had a heart that didn’t beat and their love was doomed.

-And that was a better synopsis for what the “Twilight” series is.

Its pure crap

Here’s the synopsis from Wikipedia:


Twilight is a series of four vampire-based fantasy/romance novels by the American author Stephenie Meyer. It follows the life of Isabella "Bella" Swan, a teenager who moves to Forks, Washington, and finds her life radically changed when she falls in love with a vampire named Edward Cullen.


Let me break it down- Bella is your typical emo whiny ass punk teenager that lives in bumblefuck Washington because her mother kicked her out to marry some new dude. GREAT HUH? She goes to live with her clueless town sheriff of a father and then meets the handsomest boy in school- who just happens to be a vampire.


And of course he falls for her.

Gag gag gag.


(yeas seriously look how "happy" she looks)




If it weren’t for cute Jacob Black- the American Indian/ Werewolf, the books would be a total Mormon propaganda.


I mean Book 1 was ok. 2 was better. 3 was almost good---but 4!!! ARE YOU FOR REAL??

I’m gonna ruin it for you---after three books of this “doomed” love. Bella, surviving as the vessel of the child she is carrying for Edward(Mormon ideal),must be sacrificed and then becomes the uber mary sue she has been predisposed to come. Worse off-cute Jacob, who’s now full Wolf-imprints himself upon Rennesme the new cherub child from hell.


What’s imprinting? —its an involuntary response in which a werewolf finds his soul mate.


A BABY. THE GUY IMPRINTS HIMSELF UPON A BABY.


This is a whole mess of crap. And whats worse?


Teens are eating this up like no ones business.(I’ll write about this later)


Um what?

( Hot Topic sale?)



What happened to the Goths?


You know the kidd in the corner who were reading H.P Lovecraft listeing to Joy Division,Depeche Mode,The Cure,Tool or NIN?(seriously. I wanna rant about this later)


Instead they are listing to My Chemical Romance and reading this literary diarrhea.

Stephanie Meyer step away from the lab top and go back to the Learning Annex and learn how to write.

Better yet take a plane and go to England and sit there and listen to JK Rowling..

I cringe every time I hear these books being compare with the masterful literary works of the Harry Potter series. JK Rowling, abliet humble ,knows how to fucking write.

I dare say Stephanie Meyer is sitting somewhere (when not caring for her three kids) trolling fanfic.net and live journal for ideas for the next book.

Seriously ,whats next for Edwardeo and Belliet? They are already have had the oldest Vampire coven in the Volitiri come after them….

Bella has already fulfilled her duty as a woman and given Edward a child…

…wait wait…


How did a UNDEAD VAMPIRE impregnate an alive Human Teenager?


And why didn’t her father smack the shit out of her when she said she was getting married to Edward.


Am I the only one that thinks 18 yr olds SHOULD NOT get married LET ALONE have children.


Bella has a death wish from the moment she meets Edward…seriously. In the Second book “New moon” he even abandons her so that she can have a normal life.


INSTEAD she pines and mourns for him and goes so far as to attempt suicide.


WHAT KIND OF BS IS THIS.

MORMON BS THAT’S WHAT

She is basically all about her man.


You know I take that back- I think Anne Rice could teach Meyers a thing or two about

vampire writing and then she should see Josh Whedon about strong woman.


Buffy never needed anyone but herself.


Bella needs to stand up for herself.


Perhaps the next books should be about Bella traveling the world getting to know what it is to be a vampire and not a wife and mother. Because if she isn’t happy of know what she is capable of the whole marriage thing won’t work out.


I saw this t-shirt at Comic Con and it was truly fitting. If Josh Whedon wrote Twilight it would have been 7 words



edit: seriously what is this " " Its made me edit my blog like three times!


Friday, May 15, 2009

Nevermind the Cowboys-Where have all the PUNKS gone to?





I became a teen when industrial hit in the 90’s and it was wonderful. Grunge and Industrial were canceling out all the 80’s power hair groups and each person accented themselves with personal style to match each personality. People wore flannel, ripped jeans, and baggy clothes not because it was stylish-but because it was cheap and easily available.


( I miss Kurt)





(and by him i mean Chris Noviselic's hair)



I had a pair of Green Doc Martens. I loved those shoes. I wore them out and just recently bought a red pair and they get me to every concert. It’s my signature.


(I have talked about them b4)







The new punk/Industrial/grunge fan paid direct homage to the punks that came before us in the early 80’s. They were dangerous. They lived in slums and squats. Fought in circle pits. Lived. Metal face, colored hair, sex. Drugs Drugs Drugs. Danger.









Sid & Nancy love.





They were feared.






But they are dead. All dead. All of them.




Tattoos are now mainstream. Punk/Rock has gone commercial.



Don’t believe me? Check out Ed Hardy- its mainstream high end rock gear that emulates the southern California rock scene.




NO NO NO


YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO SMILE..GAH!



The Hipsters COME from the SOCAL Rock scene. No one gets pain like the NY/Cleveland Rock crowds. NO ONE.



It’s the snow and the wind.



Coming from the New York rock scene, I call bullshit. You can’t bottle fame, brew glory or even put a stopper in death.



Even our cathedral was taken down: CBGB’s.



Its gone.






Ripped out of its home on the Bowery and taken to VEGAS for an attraction.



The place where the Ramones, Blondie and Patti Smyth got their starts-its gone.


But don’t despair. Go to Vegas. Take a look around fake NEW YORK and go to CBGB’s.




ITS NOT REAL.




The place I went to was dangerous. Overfilled with Goths, punks and evil doers who didn’t give a shit about a girl in a pit or the pee on the floor. Places where the bathroom was more dangerous then the dance floor. It was loud and crud.




That’s what Rock & Roll is SUPPOSED to be.



It’s a neck tattoo, dirty clothes, stale beer and a hot guitar.



But it’s gone now-replaced by the Jonas Brothers.



SO where have all the punks gone? The rebels?




Dead?


Do punks go to heaven? And is Jim Morrison there-cuz that’s where I want to be.





But you can’t get there by cutting yourself and crying for attention-emo punk. That’s not real. Reading twilight and emphasizing with BELLA is not Punk, Goth or even Rock and Roll. It’s a façade.



You have to get there by losing a few teeth, getting beaten in the pit, bar fight or two, making friends/making enemies. Living,roadtrips,loving.




Back in the van, lets go to Philly for a concert.




No money? Spare Change!



No Hotel? Parks and parking lots! Rest stops!



No food? Lets share!





Do me a favor kid-wash out your black hair, put away the eyeliner and step away from Seventeen.




That’s not Punk.




Do- get something old, something borrowed and something U and put that on. Accentuate with something cheap.



Ruffle up your hair



Listen to the Ramones or something Punk.



The Clash perhaps



And not just the hits, I mean the whole album.


LISTEN



Or the Smiths



Or Joy Division/New Order



And say FUCK YOU to the establishment

And GET THE FUCK OUT to the new whiny hipster culture.


Be the Punk.


Don’t let the punk be you.



AND ROCK ON

















Wednesday, May 6, 2009

In defense of Sylar

Its been a long time since superheroes have gotten a show on prime time TV and for the past four years I have been trying so hard to keep all sense of respect for Heroes.

I watch it for Sylar.



Yes Sylar alias Gabriel Grey alias that dude who kills people and does something icky with their brains so he takes their powers.

I think he’s a compelling character that is wonderfully acted by the talented Zachary Quinto-who’s also nice to look at.

I have sat there through many a season rooting for Sylar-hoping he once and for all, kills that damn cheerleader.

Why would anyone root for this guy anyway? He’s a killer!

Well for one thing, besides the first season of heroes- the show has been pure shit. Characters have changed sides more then I change my underwear(and that’s A LOT),the plot is never coherent and what’s worse is that some of the acting is miserable.

For example- why is Ali Larter STILL on the show- she plays the exact same character but THREE times-as three different sisters.

Or Maya Herrera as portrayed by Dania Ramirez. This character was one of the fan’s most hated yet she was allowed to live and walk away and yet fan favorite Elle Bishop as played by Veronica Mars herself Kristen Bell, was given a gruesome and horrid death.
Then there are characters that disappeared- Like Claude Raines or The Haitian.

Clearly the producers of Heroes don’t know wtf they are doing.

But back to Sylar.

So far they have brought us to the pint where we don’t know if he is good or bad. And now they have given him the ultimate lame ass ending--- Posing as Nathan “numb nuts” Petrelli. Oh and look who is back—Ali Larter as some lame ass character that is coping with her powers, yet again.

SO I have this question: DO the Heroes writes consist of a group of chimpanzees throwing darts?

Because it seems that all the plots are dated and/or recycled. Plot holes are the size of my Aunt Gertrude’s ass and characters are switching sides faster Mayor Bloomberg during an election year.

Please. Its neither compelling nor suspenseful television to allow a character to mope about some girl all season just to kill her off and then make him completely forget about her.

Matt Parkman-I’m looking at you.

Don't get me started on the BS that Hiro Nakamura has to go through. Why does he NOW get nosebleeds?HMMM? 4 yrs and nothing but NOW he gets to get an brain aneurysm


God damn it! What happened to this show?

Is Tim Kring in his basement wishing he were JJ Abrams thus forgetting to map out what the hell will happen on this show.

In my opinion- the only good character they have left is Sylar. People know he is bad and people don’t care.

People don’t even care about Peter Petrelli and how he talks like Rocky Balboa.


No one cares.

NBC. Do us a favor-cancel Heroes. It’ll be better if it were an online comic- maybe then it will gain its respect back, otherwise it’ll drag on for another season without guidance or viewers.

Pathetic really- it could have been great.